Well, it's finally done. My sister and I completed the sale of my mother's house. In August, it will have been two years since she's been gone. It has been a difficult two years. A long journey. A journey we did not choose.
God could have made the journey go quicker, but quicker isn't necessarily better. He knew that in order for us to get to the other side of this journey, we would need to go through it...and he would be beside us every step of the way.
Emptying a house of lifelong memories, and all that entails, feels almost like you are erasing your loved one. You are afraid to let go, afraid you'll "forget." Navigating through those two years required us to revisit the different decades of our lives with our family. With every picture, every memento, every saved birthday card, we paused...and remembered. There were a lot of memories, relived and reloved.
The closing of the house was difficult. With this pandemic, only the people signing the papers were allowed to attend. Since my sister was the estate representative, I could not go with her. I waited in the car in the parking lot and prayed for her. While waiting in the car, the thought came to me, "It is finished." As time passed, I opened up my phone to Facebook, just to think about something else. The first thing that appeared was a friend's "like" of a pastor's message called "It is finished." I had the distinct feeling that this was a message for my sister and I, that the long journey we had endured was finally over.
We had spent nearly two years enmeshed in the journey and saying good bye to what once was. We were stuck in time and couldn't even allow ourselves the chance to grieve. There was so much that had to be done. If you've walked this journey, then you know it's kind of a "put one foot in front of the other and keep going" mindset. So when the "It is finished" thought came, it was like a message saying, it's ok. This journey is finished. It's time to breathe, again.
Going through the house contents and the memories, saying good bye to the house, handing over the keys, were all hard things. We couldn't rush through it. God knew we needed the time. Time to remember, time to heal. With the keys handed over, it was time to take a step into our new journey. The journey where there would be new memories made. We will never stop missing our mother but she will always be with us in our hearts. We know that we'll see her again, one day, in heaven.
If you've lost a loved one, you know how hard the journey is. Moving on can feel like you would be "forgetting them" and leaving their memory behind. The truth is they were always a part of us and will always be a part of us. They are a part of our story.
Each of us has our own journey to follow and each journey takes its own measure of time. I know now, that "It is finished" is not a closing of the book, it is merely a turning of the page into a new chapter. I can go back and "re-read" the memories any time I want to, but it is ok for me to step forward and take those memories with me.
May God bless those of you in the midst of your own journeys. I pray that you are held by the one who will never leave you and who will walk with you through your own journey, to help you as you "turn the page."
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