How Long Would You Hold Onto a Hurt? 100 Years? Maybe It's Time to Forgive.

I read an article, recently, about Olivia de Havilland's relationship with her sister, Joan Fontaine. From the information in the article, it would seem that the sisters were frequently at odds with each other to the point of going many years without speaking with each other, and, in fact, had been at odds since childhood. Each side had their own version of the hurts the other had caused and felt they were justified in their hurt. The recent article was from an interview with Ms. de Havilland, who turned 100 years old earlier this year. Ms. de Havilland mentioned an estrangement between them that did not change in the last years of her sister's life. Ms. Fontaine, who was 1 year younger than her sister, passed away in 2013 at 96 years old.

Let the sadness of this sink in for a moment. If these sisters were truly at odds with each other from childhood, their hurts impacted their lives for almost 90 years. Imagine all that was lost or all that could have been gained had there been a true reconciliation and forgiveness from each, for each. Imagine the impact this had on their families' lives. Each sister probably had what they thought were valid reasons to hold onto their hurts and not to extend forgiveness.

Life hurts. Whether the hurt comes from a loved one, a friend or a stranger, it is no less a hurt. Some hurts are so big, we don't know how we can move beyond it. We can't even think about, and won't even think about, forgiving. "They don't deserve it and never will!" is the thinking that often keeps us chained to the hurt.

The biggest problem with holding onto a hurt, is that we are the ones who are mostly likely to be damaged by it. The longer we hold onto it, the more of "a hold" it has on our lives. It begins to affect our outlook, our everyday life, our mental health, and our physical health.

Another big problem with holding onto a hurt is that it also begins to affect our loved ones' lives. There are families so estranged by the hurt between two family members, that all contact is lost among the family members. In many cases, no one really knows what the estrangement is about. In some cases, the reason is remembered and repeated throughout the generations, lest the reason "to hold the hurt" is forgotten.

Maybe it's time to forgive.

When we forgive someone else for hurting us, we are not saying we are "ok with" or accepting of what they did. We are also not saying that we'll act like it never happened. A true hurt is never really forgotten, but true forgiveness will enable the person to move beyond the hurt and break free of those chains holding them to the hurt.

Extending forgiveness is one of the hardest things there is to do in life. In many situations, we can't do it on our own. There is a line from Matthew West's song, Forgiveness, that says "It's the opposite of how you feel, when the pain they caused is just too real, it takes everything you have just to say the word...Forgiveness." He goes on to say that when you forgive "It'll clear the bitterness away, it can even set a prisoner free; There is no end to what it's power can do. So, let it go and be amazed, by what you see through the eyes of grace, the prisoner that it really frees, is you."

Holding onto a hurt keeps you a prisoner. Forgiveness sets you free.

Do you want to be free? Are you having a hard time forgiving? Tell Jesus about it. Ask him to help you forgive. He will give you the grace to do what seems to be impossible.

How long will you hold onto your hurt? How long will it keep you from all that could be in your life? I'm not sure that the de Havilland sisters intended to hold onto their hurts for almost 90 years, but they did. So much time lost.

If you'd like to hear the incredible story behind Matthew West's song, Forgiveness, I've provided a link, here. It's a story about someone who had every right to hold onto their hurt and did, for a period of time, but they chose to forgive.

Don't let a hurt keep you prisoner one day longer than it already has.

Forgive. Be set free.

Beware of Hitchhiking Ghosts!

There is a fun ride in Disney World® (and in Disneyland®) called the Haunted Mansion. You are in a slow moving ridecar and meander through the Haunted Mansion. Toward the end of the ride, you hear the narrator tell you to "Beware of Hitchhiking Ghosts" and you see an image of three ghosts hitchhiking. You pass a mirror in the final part of the ride and you see yourself and one of the "ghosts" appearing to be riding with you. It's all in fun and you know it's not real.

Thinking about that ride and the "hitchhiking ghosts" made me think about real-life ghosts. No, I'm not talking about spirits or ghosts from "another world," I'm talking about ghosts from our past. The ghosts of regret, past mistakes, past pain or even bad memories. These are the real-life ghosts we need to beware of.

You see, we all have things in our lives that can pop up at any point and try to "hitchhike" along while we try to live our lives. Sometimes we don't even know that we've allowed them to come along for the ride. We may even have thought we were "finished" with whatever has reappeared and are surprised to find that it's back on our minds, weighing us down.

It is difficult to live our everyday lives while carrying the "ghosts" of yesterday.  And we shouldn't.

We can learn from past regrets or mistakes and change things, going forward, and we can seek help for those things in our past that caused pain to help us know how to live, going forward.

Today and tomorrow are new days. In order to make the most of them, we need to truly live.

Life is an amazing ride, live it to the fullest....and beware of those "hitchhiking ghosts!"

What's Your Wattage?

Shopping for lightbulbs, nowadays, can be a confusing experience. They come in all shapes, sizes, and wattages. There are spiral CFL ones for lamps, yellow bug lights for front porches, long flourescent ones for over kitchen sinks, and on and on. You also have to know the wattage that you need for the fixture. (Why do there have to be so many different kinds? Did Thomas Edison know it would get this complicated?) It is important, though, to have just the right bulb with just the right wattage to get just the right amount of light.

We are a lot like lightbulbs. We come in all shapes and sizes, too, but our wattages can vary from day to day or from moment to moment. Some days we really "shine brightly" and other days it's like someone hit the "dimmer switch." Sometimes, we can even be like one of those "3-way" bulbs, that with a turn of the switch we choose to be brighter or dimmer based on the situation or who we are talking with.

Did you ever walk into a dark room and turn on a lamp? Didn't it fill the room with a nice glow? Have you ever met someone like that? Someone that just seemed to glow from within, that their smile just brightened up the room? Have you also met someone for whom "the light within seemed to have gone out?"

Our "light" is important. To our families, to others, and to ourselves.

We have the ability to shine a light in the lives of others and in our own lives, but we need to be aware of our wattage. Some situations require only a soft glow. You wouldn't want to use a 100 watt bulb in a small, study area, would you? Similarly, a friend might just need only the soft glow of friendship during a difficult time. There are times, though, when the glare of a spotlight might be needed, especially if it's an area of your life you need to work on.

The most important thing to know about your wattage is that you need to be "plugged in." Without power, it won't matter how many watts a lightbulb has, it won't shine.

There are many verses in the Bible about light. The two below, I believe, really speak to how we can shine:
John 8:12 - When Jesus spoke, again, to the people he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
Matthew 5:14 - You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.
If we have "the light of life" within us, we can shine like a town built on a hill.

You see, it is up to each one of us how we choose to shine. You just might be the light that makes a difference in someone else's life. Your light can encourage others to shine.

How do you shine today? What's your wattage?

Stepping Into the Unknown....

I recently returned to the town where I started my life over 30 years ago. I came to be with a dear friend who had just lost the love of her life. I came to pray for her and to pay my respects. She is stepping into a life she never wanted with no idea how to continue. Driving the same streets that I drove on all those years ago, I remember feeling something similar.

30 years ago, I had to make a decision for myself and my children. Suffice it to say, we could not stay where we were. I needed to take my children to live someplace where they could have a safe, happy environment to live. It was a scary decision. I didn't want to make it, but was forced to. I had no idea how to continue. For a long time, I just put one foot in front of the other and immersed myself in my children and their lives. I don't know how long it took for me to move from merely "existing" to "living." When you are in a "place" in your life that is so far from where you used to be, and you know you can't "go back," it takes everything you have to just move forward.

Little by little, as time passed, I began to "open the door" and look out at what had become my new life. I got a job and went to work and learned new skills. I met someone at work I became friends with. She invited me to go to church with her. I took the children to the park every weekend and let them play to their heart's content. We were growing into our new lives. It took a long time, but one day I realized I had begun to "live" again.

Time keeps passing whether we want it to or not. We cannot change the things that happen in life. And for awhile, we might not be able to do more than just live one moment at a time.

Let me say, my story cannot begin to compare with what my friend is going through. Anyone who has ever lost someone close to them, who has lost the love of their life, is in one of the very hardest places in life. There is no comparison to the grief, the sadness, the feeling of loss they are going through. none. They are forced into a life they didn't choose, a life without their loved one.

To my friend, I am praying for you. As you move through this time of grief into a life you did not choose, I pray for grace to hold you closely. I pray that the good memories and the love will fill the empty places in your heart. I pray that I'll know how to help you, how to walk with you. And I pray, that one day, you will be able to see the sun shine again.

Did You Put on Your Sonscreen? What's Your SPF?

I was driving to work the other day and the radio DJ was talking about summer. He said now that summer was approaching, we needed to remember to put on our sunscreen if we were going to be out in the sun.

And just like that...it came to me...SONscreen. We need spiritual Sonscreen coverage everyday, and not just in the summer.

Growing up in South Florida, I know all about sunscreen and sunburns. When the sun is hot and high, you'd better be slathered up with the sunscreen or you'll be sorry later. What a lot of people don't realize though, is that you need to wear the sunscreen even if the sun isn't "hot and high." If the sky is overcast and you are going to be outside during the day, you still need the sunscreen. The UV rays are there, whether it's sunny or cloudy.

It's the same way with Sonscreen. We need His "coverage" everyday, regardless of the "weather." There's good and there's evil in this world and I'm sure you've seen both.  It's easier to protect yourself against things you can see, but it's not so easy to protect yourself against things you can't see. There's a lot that goes on in the spiritual realm "behind the scenes" that we can't see. It's a battle between good and evil. In 1 Peter: 5-8, it says, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour." The devil (and his representatives) are looking for ways to trip you up, to lead you down wrong pathways, and to try to ruin you.

Have you ever said or done something you wish you hadn't and then had it repeating in your mind over and over? Even after you tried to make amends with the person or seek forgiveness? You feel badly or guilty every time the thought comes back. That's not God reminding you. In God there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1). The devil would like nothing better than for you to feel guilty and will remind us of our failures to get us to focus on that instead of the goodness of God and His forgiveness.

What we really need to do is to put on the Sonscreen with the highest SPF (Spiritual Protection Factor).  In Ephesians 6:10-17, it talks about putting on the whole armor of God so that we can stand against the plans of the devil. In verse 16, it talks about taking up the "shield of faith" so that you can "quench the fiery darts of the wicked one." Now that's some serious SPF!

I don't know about you, but I'm going to try to remember to slather my Sonscreen daily. I want to be protected.

How about you? Are you covered? What's your SPF?

Rejection or Redirection?

What if rejection is really only redirection?

The thought came to me the other day as I was pondering some changes in my life. In many of the cases, what seemed to be a very difficult time or circumstance actually was almost a blessing in disguise. If the one door had not closed, I would not have looked for another and would not have found the better door to walk through.

Have you ever experienced a rejection? Rejection hurts. It doesn't matter where it comes from, it just hurts. Sometimes it's hard to get past a rejection. It can affect how we feel about life and how we feel about ourselves. It can keep us from moving forward.

Sometimes, we won't make a change until we are forced to. Even if we're uncomfortable. Even if we know it's not where we need to be. Sometimes, rejection is exactly what we need to move forward.

What if we changed how we thought about rejection? What if we just considered it as redirection, instead?

Have you ever tried to navigate one of those maze puzzles? There's usually only one way in and one way out. Getting out of the maze involves making several wrong turns, having to change direction at dead ends, and keeping on going until you find the right path out.

Life can be a lot like a maze. It's full of opportunities to change direction, isn't it?

The next time we face a rejection, we can choose to consider it as a redirection and then take a different path to move forward.  The new path might be exactly what we need and might take us to wonderful places we never even thought of!

Are You "Puzzled?"

Growing up I really liked doing puzzles. There was just something about getting a new puzzle and knowing that if you put it together just right, it would be a beautiful picture and look just like the picture on the box! There was also the challenge involved in finding the right pieces. Sometimes you really had to look hard for them because the pieces looked so much alike. It helped if you could find the pieces that had the same color. I would always start with the corner and edge pieces so I could build the framework for the picture. Piece by piece the picture came together. You simply cannot rush putting a puzzle together. It takes patience and quiet thought. But, oh the satisfaction when it was finished!

It occurred to me the other day that we are a lot like puzzles. We make our plans for life much like putting a puzzle together. We know what we want and make a plan to get there. It's kind of like we're building the framework of our lives with the corners and edge pieces. We go to school, get a job, get married, have a family, etc. It's when "life happens" that we have a hard time figuring out what to do. Sometimes we try to fix things by looking for just the right answer or puzzle piece. Sometimes we try to fix things with something that looks like it will help, or fit, but it's actually is just a short term solution. That's like when we find a piece for the puzzle that looks like it will fit, but when we try it, we see that the picture doesn't make sense.

When I'm in the midst of trying to find the right piece or make the pieces fit in my life, it helps me to remember that there's someone who already knows what my "picture" will look like. He knows the picture on the box because He's the one who created my puzzle. In Ephesians 2:10, it says "For we are God's masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

You see, he planned my puzzle picture long before I was born. He knows all the pieces and how they will fit. I don't need to worry about finding the right pieces at the right time and I don't need to feel pressured to make the pieces fit. I just need to trust the Puzzle Planner and have patience. My picture isn't finished yet. But when it's done, I'm sure it will be beautiful!

Do You Need a Friday?

Who doesn't look forward to Fridays? Fridays bring the promise of THE WEEKEND for many of us. We imagine what we can do with our WEEKEND. It might be filled with fun activities, time at the beach, getting together with friends, or just hanging around the house. Whatever plans we have or don't have, we still look forward to the WEEKEND.

Why is that?

I think, for many of us, it is a break in the routine of "have to's." Monday through Friday, we might "have to" go to work, or you might "have to" take children to school and help with homework when they come home, or you might "have to" go to school, yourself, and worry about tests and homework. Whatever your "have to" is, you look forward to Friday and the WEEKEND, and not having to think about the "have to's."

Did you ever stop to think that the WEEKEND can be a state of mind? What if we changed our thinking? What if we broke from the routine and had a WEEKEND day in the middle of the week? What if we took a Wednesday off and just did whatever we wanted to?

Of course, that's not always possible, due to finances, jobs or responsibilities. But...what if every now and again we took a day just for ourselves and changed things up just a bit? If we can't take off from work, we could change it up by taking a different way to work, stopping someplace along the way to pick up breakfast, and listen to our favorite music on the way in. Or...we could pack a lunch and go to a park at lunchtime and just breathe it all in.

Sometimes, all we need to lift our spirits is a break in the routine and something to look forward to.

The next time you find yourself bogged down in the "have to's," take a break in your routine and find a way to have fun! Plan a WEEKEND day in the middle of the week!

Look forward to your "WEEKEND!"

Happy Friday Eve!

Are You a Spotlight...or a Lighthouse?

Have you ever been in one of those home improvement stores in the light fixture aisle and seen how many different types of lights and bulbs there are? There seems to be a light for every purpose. There are bright lights, soft lights, colored lights and nightlights. Some lights are used to brighten a room, some lights are used for reading, some lights are used to guide the way in the dark, and some lights, such as spotlights, shine to keep someone or something away.

Did you ever notice how we are a lot like lights? Sounds kind of crazy doesn't it? When you think about it, though, some of us brighten a room when we walk in it, some of us are encouragers and try to "brighten" a day for others, and some of us are lighthouses, shining a light to help someone find their way when they are going through a difficult time. Some of us, unfortunately, are spotlights. For the wrong reasons. We may think that by "shining the light" on someone else's failings or difficulties, we may be "helping" them change when, in fact, we are actually pushing them away. There certainly may be times in our lives when we need to be the "spotlight" to friends and family members, but, for the most part, if we find ourselves acting more as the spotlight and less like the lighthouse, we may be doing more harm than good.

The difference between the lighthouse and the spotlight, is that one shines the light in such a way that it shows the dangers and the way out of the danger and the other focuses only on what is right in front of it. Lighthouses were built to shine the way to ships traveling in dangerous waters. The ships could see the rocks and the open water and could navigate safely. Spotlights are usually fixed in one direction and shine on whatever is in its pathway.

I think we need to pay more attention to "the light" we are "shining" to others.

Do we want to truly help? Do we want to make a difference? Do we want to help someone find their way?

The next time we are in a situation and have the opportunity to be a light, we should pray about what kind of light is needed. Then we'll know whether to be the spotlight or to be the lighthouse.

Shine on!

Bricks: Are You Building a Foundation or a Wall?

I saw a post on Facebook the other day that made me stop and think. It said, "A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her."

I think what it was trying to say was that you shouldn't let the words or actions of others get you down or hold you back. Instead, use what you learn from the situation to become stronger and move forward.

Whether or not they are momentary acquaintances or someone close to you, people can be very hurtful. Sometimes the bricks (hurtful action or words) were not "thrown" on purpose and sometimes they were. The end result is still the same, it hurts.

Anyone who has ever had "bricks" thrown at them, knows the hurt and pain associated with it. Many of us react the same way...emotional or physical pain, tears, and questioning "why they would do that to us." For some people, the next reaction is anger or fear. You are angry at the person for the hurt or you are fearful that they might hurt you again. Sometimes, it's both.

Bricks are painful, of that there is no doubt. What we choose to do with the bricks, however, can either cause us more pain, or can pave the way to freedom from the pain.

Some people choose to "throw the bricks" back. Unfortunately, this can cause even more damage and can become an unending "brick" war. If you've seen couples in the midst of a messy breakup, you know what I mean.

Some people, although hurt, try to ignore the bricks. They may think it is safer not to respond or think that if they don't "think" about it, it can't hurt them.

Sometimes, whether out of fear or self-preservation, hurt people use the bricks to build a wall to keep themselves safe. The problem with this is, although they are building the wall between themselves and the "brick-thrower," the wall continues to be built until they are completely "walled off." What they think is their safe "fortress" has actually become a prison.

The better choice is to use the bricks to create a foundation and a pathway. When we stop and actually look at the bricks and the brick-thrower, we can learn things about both them and ourselves. We can stop and value who we are and realize that we are much more than the bricks thrown. We can make choices to either speak to the brick-thrower or to put distance between ourselves and them. We can build a stronger foundation and make changes within ourselves to know what we will and will not accept going forward.

There will always be "brick-throwers" in life and there will be times when we are hurt. What we choose to do with the bricks, is up to each one of us. And we do not have to "go it" alone. There is One who can help heal the hurts and can help with the laying of our new foundation.  In Psalm 147:3, it says "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." In Psalm 27:5, it says, "For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his secret tent and set me high upon a rock." The Master Builder is always ready and waiting to help. We need only to ask.

Are you building a wall or are you building a foundation? One holds you back, one gives you strength.

You are much more than the bricks thrown. Choose to build a foundation today, then start creating a pathway. Who knows, it could become your own "yellow brick road" to all the good things ahead of you!