Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda and the Green Light Pause

When I was growing up, the family would sit around the dinner table telling about our day. One of us would be talking about something we had said in a situation when my dad would say, "You shoulda said....". He would go on to share "Dad" wisdom of what he thought would have been a better response. The whole family would then get involved in the "shoulda saids." It became a part of the family banter.

As an adult, I still have "shoulda saids" running through my mind. Sometimes I'll review my response to something and think, "Maybe, I should've said this or maybe I should've said that, instead."

I think all of us have moments in our lives where we "shoulda" said something differently. Sometimes we have regrets that we "coulda" said something, but we didn't. We even think on some things and say, "If I had to do it over, I 'woulda' done it differently."

Sometimes we mean the words we say, at the moment, only to think about them later, with regret. Sometimes the words "fly out of our mouths" before we've even thought about it. Sometimes, though, we've had an opportunity to say something...but didn't.

Words can be very powerful. They can build up and they can tear down.

The Bible has a lot to say about the power of words, especially in the book of Proverbs.
In Proverbs 16:24, it says, "Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."
In Proverbs 15:1, it says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
In Proverbs 12:18, it says, "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

I really do try to watch what I say. Some days are better than others. I have discovered, though, that if I pause before saying something, it gives me a moment to consider my words. It's sort of like the green light pause. You know when you're at a stop light and the light turns green but you wait that extra second or two to make sure no one is coming before you go? That's a green light pause. It doesn't matter to me if the person behind me honks, I'm more concerned for my safety than their need to "go, NOW."

Perhaps we all could take a green light pause before we speak. We could take a moment and think before we speak. It might prevent some verbal "accidents" and avoid possible damage.

Hawk Nelson, a Canadian Christian Rock Band, does a song called "Words" that really says this much better than I can. I'm including a link to their video, here. The song talks about how words can "build us up" and "tear us down," "start a fire in our hearts" or "put it out." It's a powerful song.

"Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda." Those words speak volumes, don't they? The next time a "shoulda said" pops up in my mind, I hope it's just a memory of those family dinners, long ago. If I use my green light pause, maybe I'll actually be saying what I "shoulda said," first.