"I've Become My Mother?"

Have you ever said, or heard someone say, "I've become my mother" or "I opened my mouth and my mother's voice came out"?

When we say, "I've become my mother" it usually isn't because we're reflecting on behavior we wanted to copy, it's because we copied the behavior we never wanted to copy."

As it usually is between parents and children, children don't like the way they are "parented."  Sadly, some children have very valid reasons. For most children, though, it usually has to do with everyday parenting.  "Don't do this...don't do that...how many times have I told you?" and on and on.  Some parents are big on guilt trips to try to get their children to do what they want.  Some parents seem to have a list of rules a mile long.  Some parents are just the opposite...they give no boundaries.

Many children say, "When I have children, I'm going to do things differently!" Then they grow up, have children and are surprised when they've acted the same way.

The way to "do things differently" is to make a change in ourselves. We don't have to listen to the "I can't change because it runs in our family" thoughts or the "I'll never change" thoughts," change can happen, if we want it. We don't have to stay the same, repeating mistakes and behaviors.  We don't even have to be "tied" to behaviors that run in our families.

There is a verse in the Bible that says "Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things become new." (2 Corinthians 5:17).  That verse gives me great hope.  It tells me that if I am in Him, I am a new creation (brand new, never seen before). I am not tied to past behaviors - family history or my own. With His help, I can change.

So, how do we make a change? We need to look at what needs to be changed.  Do we need to change the way we think or react or do we need to change a behavior or our way of thinking? We may need to ask ourselves if we need help with making a change.  Whatever the change, it can be done.

I was listening to an old Harry Chapin song the other day called "Cat's In the Cradle." The song talks about a dad who was too busy to be involved in his son's life, then the son grows up and is too busy to be in his dad's life.  The son always said, growing up, that he would be "just like his dad." At the end of the song, the dad realizes that his son "grown up, just like him."

It's never too late to make a change.  Our children will always be our children.  We can choose to make the changes we need to make.  We can share with our children that we are trying to make changes.  We can show that we want better for ourselves and our children.  When they see us in the change process, it can be an example for them, too.  Who knows, maybe someday, one of our children will say "I've become my mother" and it will be a good thing!